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10
WAYS TO FREAK OUT
YOUR DRIVER'S ED INSTRUCTOR
If you already have taken Driver's ed, you could always consider
re-applying... possibly?
I
was going to write "Driving for Dummies" this month,
but I figure that one can wait considering that driver's ed
is just around the corner. Warning: Do not try pulling off
these stupid stunts if you're not sure if you'll pass driver's
ed in the first place, if your driver's ed instructor is a
relative, or if you would like to pass driver's ed this year.
I would not personally stoop to doing these things ;-), but
I have pondered them. Enough babbling. Let's get started.
Stupid stunt #1: Ask the driver's ed instructor which pedal
is the gas and which is the brake. After he describes to you
which is which and starts sweating, tell him you understand
and drive off. Then when he tells you to start slowing down,
substitute the gas pedal for the brake pedal and say: "Woops!
I guess I got the pedals mixed up again." That should
make your instructor reconsider his profession.
Stupid stunt #2: When asked to start up the car, just smile
at the driver's ed instructor. Eventually, he will ask you
what the big idea is. Tell him that you've never sat in the
driver's seat before, you have absolutely no idea how to start
the car, and your parents wouldn't risk their lives by showing
you because that's what the driver's ed instructor was for.
Stupid stunt #3: Try having a deep intellectual conversation
with one of your buds in the back seat. Remember, it's impolite
not to look at people when you talk with them. Although I
wouldn't suggest it, if you're feeling especially daring,
you could even try going around a curve while you're having
this really important conversation. I can almost guarantee
some very interesting results if you try that.
Stupid stunt #4: (I didn't think of this one) Before you go
out driving, write left and right on the palm of your hands,
but here's the catch: be sure to write left and right on the
wrong hands. When the driver's ed instructor tells you to
turn left, hold out your hands to see which one of them forms
an "L". Pretend that you can't remember what an "L" looks
like, and refer to your pre-written hands for reference. ;-)
Stupid stunt #5: Just after you get out onto the road, tell
your driver's ed instructor that you need to use the restroom
very very very badly. You could frown and go "oops", but that
may be taking this stupid stunt just a little too far.
Stupid stunt #6: Fiddle around with the seat and steering
adjustments so that the seat's very low, and so that the wheel's
very high. Stick in your favorite cd with heart-stopping bass
(do it quickly so that the instructor can't stop you), then
do what any other typical teen would do... PEEEEL OOOUT!!!!!
Stupid stunt #7: Be ultra-safe. No one can stand an overly
safe driver (or at least I can't). Use your turn signals while
going around curves. Go 8-10 miles under the speed
limit. Be conscientious and always assure yourself
that there isn't any oncoming traffic by checking for cars
both ways at least ten times before you pull out.
Stupid stunt #8: Do strange things at every stop sign. Do
things like tying your shoes, admiring yourself in the mirror,
or spending 30 seconds trying to figure out the time on your
analog wrist-watch.
Stupid stunt #9: Wave at everyone. Wave at people walking.
Wave at other drivers. Wave at friends. Wave at absolutely
nothing at all. Just wave. It will drive your instructor
nuts.
Stupid stunt #10: Show your instructor that you have no idea
of what you are doing. Drive over the curb when you pull out
of the driveway. Turn the window wipers on and off when you
attempt to put your blinker on. Accidentally honk the horn...
a lot.
Stupid stunt #11: You come up with one!
Well, there is my how to thing for this month. If you can't
use any of these ideas on a driver's ed instructor, try them
out on your parents. They may not let you drive again, but
it should give you about the same results. Have fun! :-) Don't
forget to buckle up! Drive "safely" too!
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