Greetings readers. Today we have a particularly malicious
plan that was to go into effect January 1st, 2000. However,
for unknown reasons it did not materialize and was instead
uncovered by Braincandy News. It is most likely that the
powermonger would not have been successful anyway, but for
entertainment issues we have created a possible scenario.
Read and be shocked......
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What could have been on the news around December 20, 1999:
B2K: Bill 2000
It's coming.....
The countries of earth are all fervently working to put
a stop to Microsoft's decade of crime, greed, tyranny, poor
advertising, buggy products, scandals, and a bunch of other
bad stuff.
John Gordener, president
of Hicks Anonymous says, "It gladdens my heart to see the
whole earth work towards getting rid of the B2K (Bill 2000)
Problem. Neighbors, enemies, plumbers, lawyers, and X-Microsoft
members all working together to ban Bill Gates and his plan
for terror in the year 2000; shucks, it almost brings a
tear to my eye."
Profesional hippy and Bill
Gates analyst James Berger has figured out Bill Gates' dastardly
plan (before Hurrah-ing too loud, let us remember that's
what 3.4 million of our tax dollars pay him to do): "Ok.
Like lots, and lots of computers use Windows, like, right?
Ok. Like, Bill Gates here, he, like, wants power. And. Ok.
Here's Microsoft, a, like, growing world denominational
power, like Ok? And with this like, year 2000 freaky freak
thing, Bill Gates has, like, seen what a potentially profuse
power increasing situation this could, like, be. So here's
the whole barrel of, like, wax. Now Bill, like, likes to
have the world on a string so he, like, has made Windows
as we know it incompatible with the Year 2000. Then we,
like, have to download a so-called update to Windows. This,
like, update is really a transponder in, like, disguise,
ok? Listen closely now, we are, like, getting to the, like,
good-er, bad part now. OK. Bill Gates is really an alien
in a human disguise. He is partnered with, like, the Denuvians.
The Denuvians will bring there, like, mothership and use
the downloaded transponders to, like, zap and brainwash
all Windows-users. The brainwashing will, like, cause all
humans to be like the, like, Denuvians. Love, joy, and peace
will be abolished as the initial affected individuals go
and, like, brainwash the rest of the population. DON'T YOU
UNDERSTAND!? ALL OF US WILL BECOME NOTHING BUT SLUG-MUNCHING,
YODELING DENUVIANS!!!!! But what will Bill Gates get out
of all of this, you ask? In return for allowing the Denuvians
to use Windows to brainwash everyone, he will get to, like,
be Bill, the Denuvian Dictator of Earth. Once Earth is conquered
the Denuvians will attempt a galaxial conquest, overtaking
all of, like, civilization. We must unite together and declare
war on all the programmers of Microsoft. We must storm the
Fortress of Gates and destroy all Denuvian items. Only then,
can we be, like, free. Free from slavery. Free from Gates.
Free from Windows!!! Only then can we continue to wait for
the, like, Astromonifa mothership who will take us to our
rightful home on Mars, our, like, peaceful original planet.
I know all this because I have Astromonifa ties, and I being
one of the many Astromonifians located on your, like, homey
planet here, I *know* what's going on throughout the celestial
galaxy ok? I know no more at this time, so, then that is
all... for now."
There you have HPE(pronounced
"hippy") Berger's opinion. Please keep in mind this is only
a theory. Because of his quite radical views, many believe
that he is not really Astromonifian, but merely crazy. Many
other experts believe that the B2K problem will entail much
less severity. In fact, most believe that if Bill's plan
succeeds, he will only choose to dominate states and countries
with computer technology, therefore Iowa will still be a
safe-haven for all those who wish to be free from Bill's
tyrannical power. They also believe that instead of partnering
with the Denuvians, he is either going solo for this domination
plan or linking up with the President. Finally, the experts
are predicting that even if Bill's plan succeeds, all owners
of superior Macintosh technology will be safe from him because
of the fact that Microsoft can no-way no-how overrule APPLE!,
the makers of the hopelessly superior Macintosh computer.
However, it is starting to look bleak for Bill as everyone
works against him with the goal of banishing Microsoft from
the face of the earth, and making the world a better place.
In fact the only one making a stand for Mr. Gates at this
time is the President himself. He said: "There is nothing
to substantiate accusations claiming that my good friend
Bill plans to take over the world. This just isn't true.
And I have not plotted to join him in his proposed radical
plan by signing the Billē Accords and agreeing to split
conquered lands 50/50. I repeat, this just isn't true. You
must believe that I am not lying to you either. Thank you."
Well, there you have it.
We tried to contact Mr. Gates to get his opinion on this
story, but his secretary stated he was too busy with matters
of business at this time to return our calls.(Word has it
she's got dibs on Hawaii) Who is right? Who is wrong? Who
is going to take over the world? If not Bill, then who?
WHO!? Hey! It's not us... honest. We're signing off.....
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Hey, it could have happened.
