Spontaneous Organal Combustion

      A frightening disease dubbed 'SPOC' (short for Spontaneous Organal Combustion) has swept over the nation this past month. Scientists are not sure as to the origin of this disease, but they have discovered 95% percent of carriers eat, sleep, and exhibit brain activity. John Dombini, head of investigation at RIP (Research in Progress) Medical Center, said, "SPOC is capable of attacking anyone, anytime, anywhere. SPOC does not favor any nationality or gender. SPOC may enter into the body through inhalation or through an open wound. The body responds by attempting to kill the virus. The luekocytes (white blood cells) attack and the virus dies. Before the virus is eliminated, however, it attaches a molecular coding of sorts onto the leukocyte. The leukocyte transmit the coding among themselves and thus the code is spread throughout the body. The code is composed of a string of altered DNA. The DNA contains the formula for acute combustion. Scientists have discovered that the DNA code can be set off by one thing only-sneezing. The carriers of this disease have had varied life spans after becoming infected, but they all went kablooee after a single sneeze. That is one of the horrifying details of this disease. One minute you can feel fine, and the next minute you get a slightly large whiff of that pepper, and Boom! You're gone just like that. The explosion after the sneeze is truly horrifying and has hospitalized numerous innocent bystanders as well. This is how SPOC spreads: After the leukocyte are infected with the molecular coding, they pass it on to the erythrocytes,(red blood cells) which nourish every part of the body with oxygen. The erythrocytes then transfer the code to various organs. So, in reality the victim's spleen and other organs are transformed into verifiable time bombs. When the victim sneezes, an alarm of sorts is set off in the virus coding, which is by now instilled into every critical organ. The virus self-destructs (or self-combusts if you prefer) and your insides are suddenly outside... all over outside. As far as the origin of the disease, scientists are clueless. Some say SPOC is a high tech disease derived from computer coding created by Microsoft and Iraq to take over the world, while others say it originated from extremely spoiled chicken. Unfortunately, no progress is being made in a cure for the disease so good luck and *don't* sneeze."
      In an effort to increase SPOC awareness, the government has launched a "Say No to Sneezing" and "Sneezing is for Losers" ad campaign with celebrities and impressive special effects until a cure for the disease is discovered.
      Joe Bondooni was the most recent victim of SPOC. He went off in a New York Subway.
     Bob Lend witnessed the tragedy first hand. His only comment was, "Don't let this happen to you! The solution is easy! Just don't sneeze!" Fact or Fiction? What can you believe? Nothing. Not here at least. Until next time, this is Brain Candy News signing off....