Campaign Speech #1:

Jeremiah For President!
Restoring coolness to the White House....

You need someone dashing, someone daring to elect for president. None of the other candidates seem to be focusing on these issues. Well, *I* am. I am not Republican. I am not a Democrat. I am a Radical. If elected, I promise^* to change this country. I promise^* to increase America's popularity at home and abroad. I promise^* to decrease the school year for the hard working, efficient school children. I promise^* to make skateboarding legal everywhere as a viable form of pedestrian travel. Though many of the other Presidential candidates disagree, I believe human life is more important than that of a cicada. Therefore, I promise^* to pass laws prohibiting the decimation of major U.S. cities to make way for the growing cicada population. I promise^* to do a lot of other good stuff as well. I am counting on your vote! Keep checking out BrainCandy to see where I stand on the issues!

^*Asterisk denotes campaign promises of which the candidate is under no obligation whatsoever to fulfill.